Meeting the President

It is the morning of our second day in Buenos Aires. Xiomara has risen early and prepares a breakfast of medialunas and coffee. Way below the terrace, two figures walk towards Plaza General San Martin, Giannina leading her dog Ghost, with Raul struggling to keep up.

‘David is flying into Ezeiza today,’ announces Xiomara as she bites into a pastry. ‘He is concerned that we have got off to a bad start and thinks he needs to fix it,’ she continues. ‘You had better put on your best blazer; M says we are to meet him at 12 noon at ‘Gogys’.

Readers of our last tale will recall that Parilla Nuevo Gogy is the place where Philip May awaited the arrival of his wife, then The Right Honourable Theresa May PM, on her one-and-only visit to Buenos Aires2. Located at the corner of Avenida San Juan and Salta, ‘Gogy’ may not be the most salubrious of restaurants but sits conveniently alongside Av 25 de Mayo where it enters the city centre from the airport. Moreover, it serves the very best meat in the district.

‘David will love it - he keeps on about football,’ adds Xiomara, ‘Mind you, I am not sure he ever excused Maradona for ‘his hand of God!’

‘Yes, I remember the Gogy posters! If Lord Cameron likes football he will definitely approve of Gogys. Being an Aston Villa fan (or is it West Ham)3 he should be most at home there in his blue Boca Juniors strip.’4

‘Shall I call Raul back to drive us in the Bentley,’ I go on to ask, failing to account that within 24 hours of our arrival in Buenos Aires we had already faced an assassination attempt by showing out in public.

‘It’s half an hour by Av 9 de Julio,’ Xiomara states, ‘Nobody will notice us on the bus. We’ll get colectivo 100 to Lima.’

In truth, there is only one sensible way to get around Buenos Aires. You can call a taxi, but at peak times your journey will be painfully slow, sitting in queues of traffic then racing trucks for space at the lights. Subte offers an alternative, with lines that sort-of-connect beneath the sun-drenched streets. But the colectivo is both quick and cheap; and via Av 9 de Julio, the widest road in Argentina, the Metrobus is the perfect way to get across the city to Monserrat.

I stand by an open window holding a flexi-leather strap, whilst Xiomara has slipped into the one free seat alongside a large woman nursing bags of groceries. We race from stop to stop, passing Obelisco and the 1926 Chalet de 9 de Julio5, a perfect villa perched high up on the rooftops above Cerito.

Reaching Gogys, we find that Lord Cameron has beaten us to the restaurant, stripped off his jacket and is tucking into an asado comprising every type of beef. His security contingent sit at an adjacent table drinking Quilmes6. Gogy’s manager has his eyes glued to football on the television, barely registering that the UK Foreign Secretary is his sole diner.

‘Ah, Xio,’ Cameron exclaims, ‘Come here my darling and help me eat this beast.’ ‘Is that Bond with you? I hope he is behaving himself and teaching you well.’

Xiomara takes the seat to Cameron’s left and orders a bottle of Malbec. ‘David, thank goodness you are here. Did you say that Javier is coming to join us?’

Before Cameron can reply an old Ford Falchion pulls up outside the restaurant windows and a dishevelled figure wearing a black leather jacket and sporting wild hair levers himself from the rear nearside seat.

It is remarkable, but save for his driver, he is entirely on his own with not a trace of security presence. Perhaps he has sacked them? Maybe they have been caught by austerity cuts? Maybe, and more likely, is the fact that Javier Milei, President of Argentina, crazily enjoys anonymity when not performing on stage with a chain saw.

First, a hug for David Cameron, then a hug and kisses for Xiomara who immediately engages him in rapid-fire Castellano. Javier seems flattered and rather than sitting in the empty seat to Cameron’s right takes his place alongside Xiomara draping a lazy arm along the back of her chair.

He greets Cameron, ‘Como estás boludo?’ then without waiting for a reply looks up to the TV screen, ‘Boca Juniors,’ he exclaims, ‘Perfecto!’

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1 Clarin - Buenos Aires newspaper
2 Theresa May visited then President Macri in 2018, the only such visit since Tony Blair in 2001.
3 This is where in 2015 David Cameron blamed brain fog when he forgot which team he supported.
4 One of the more important Argentine football clubs of which President Milei was a voting member
5 Built atop a tall furniture store, this villa replica is easily missed, but once seen, never forgotten.
6 If you are tempted to drink beer in Argentina, then it must be Quilmes!